


What If | Magnus Bane & Alec Lightwood

by jupiterborn



Category: The Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare, The Shadowhunter Chronicles - Cassandra Clare
Genre: Alternate Ending, Angst, Angst and Feels, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst and Tragedy, Book 5: City of Lost Souls, Break Up, Downworlder Dad Magnus Bane, Downworlder Politics, Downworlders, Fluff and Angst, Heavy Angst, M/M, Memory Alteration, Memory Loss, Memory Magic, New York City, Post-Book 5: City of Lost Souls, Post-Break Up, Post-Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood Break Up, Shadowhunter Alec Lightwood, Spoilers For Book 5: City of Lost Souls, Warlock Marks (Shadowhunter Chronicles), What-If
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-16
Updated: 2021-03-16
Packaged: 2021-03-24 11:29:13
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,298
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30071586
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jupiterborn/pseuds/jupiterborn
Summary: His phone buzzes, an old number that he hasn’t seen in years flashes across the screen. Someone whose number he used to know by heart but was eventually erased from the cell and forgotten in his memory. Without a thought, he lifts the phone to his ear, answering it as he would any normally, but the voice on the other end sends a knife directly into his heart.“Alec?”
Relationships: Magnus Bane & Alec Lightwood, Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood
Comments: 2
Kudos: 43





	What If | Magnus Bane & Alec Lightwood

**Author's Note:**

> An alternate ending to Magnus Bane and Alec Lightwood's relationship... sorry for the PAIN :)

What if? What if I wake up one day, next to my significant other, and realize that they’re not “the one?” What if I realize that my one true love is someone who I can never have? Someone who I had when I was younger but gave up, someone who I’m still in touch with but who only thinks of me as a friend, or someone who I fell out of touch with? What if I have lived my entire life only reconnect with the one at the end? I want to have a middle with them. I don’t want to wake up one morning and suddenly realize that nothing in my life is as it should be. What if I finally open up to someone and then find out that they are cheating on me or it was all just a game to them? What if I spend my life living through so many disappointments that my heart eventually forms an impenetrable barrier around it, something that nobody can ever get through, forever emotionless?  
______  


His phone buzzes, an old number that he hasn’t seen in years flashes across the screen. Someone whose number he used to know by heart but was eventually erased from the cell and forgotten in his memory. Without a thought, he lifts the phone to his ear, answering it as he would any normally, but the voice on the other end sends a knife directly into his heart.  


“Alec?”  


The silky voice still reminded him of honey slowly gliding down the owner’s throat. His beautiful, perfect, tanned throat that had so often been covered with hickeys after a night together. Magnus. Alec had met the warlock many years ago, when he and his parabatai infiltrated the Downworlder’s rooftop party and busted a vamp’s flying bike. Magnus was amazing, he was everything to Alec at one point, someone he considered marrying someday; his first love. But, as most first loves, the magic ended and the reality of life crashed between the couple. One would live forever and the other was destined to die all too soon. Alec’s quest to find a remedy led to the demise of their relationship; the ending left the Shadowhunter in pieces for years after, too scared to love, too scared to let anyone in in fear of losing them just as he had Magnus. For years after, Alec’s finger hovered over the speed dial button. One button to hear that honey voice again; to temporarily smooth over the agony of losing his love. Eventually, as it always does, it got easier to live life. The silky voice was put away deep into his brain and the memories that used to make Alec unable to breathe were dulled to dust, appearing only once in awhile in passing. The number was eventually deleted to make room for new ones; eventually forgotten. The wound was covered with new skin.  


“Alec?”  


Magnus’s honey-toned voice drew Alec out of his nostalgic trip. Panic descended upon him, everything he stored away crawled up his throat and he could feel his heart slowly dismantling again.  


“Yeah, I’m here.” he whispered, holding his breath and trying to avoid the crack in his voice that would inevitably appear.  


There was a slight intake of air on the other end of the line. Even little things like this made Alec’s heart tighten a tad. The pain was resurfacing and he was realizing that the wound never truly healed; he’d just been keeping it covered with distraction and misdirection for years.  


“Alec-” Magnus’s voice broke, shattering into a million oozing notes. “You’re...the only...one...for me…”  


His voice trailed off into a river of gasps and breaths. Alec’s voice was still in chains. They both stayed on the line, waiting for the other to speak. Neither released a word. The air around Alec was filled with everything he wanted to say, everything he wanted to yell. Everything that he wanted to confront Magnus with when they just broke up, when his wounds were fresh, everything he couldn’t bring himself to say now, fearful of exploding into a mess of language and sobs.  


So they stayed silent, expectation dripping from the speaker.  


“Meet me at Belvedere Castle at sunset,” Magnus whispered and then the line went dead. Along with Alec’s heart.  
__________  


Alec was sweating through his fitted black t-shirt as he hurried up the steps to the top of Belvedere Castle. Thank god his cologne was good or else he’d smell like a demon by now with all the worry and stress-induced persperating he’d done. The area around him was surprisingly busy, tourists and natives alike bustling around in the heat of summer, sunburnt from a day in the unforgiving rays. He felt a twitch in his heart and knew that Magnus was close by, the connection that they once had clearly not as gone as Alec had hoped. A group of kids ran from their spot by the edge, revealing his ex-boyfriend, supple lips between his teeth and fingers pulling at his rings in a gesture of worry.  


The shadowhunter’s thoughts raced with hope, maybe he wanted to get back together. Maybe he’d forgiven him for trying to find a way to make the warlock mortal. His very bones ached to be in the man’s arms again, to hear his honey-whisper in his ears, and shiver from the familiar feeling of his fingers on him. His mind failed to remember how Alec used to watch his friends all couple up and find human love with envy, knowing they’d get to grow old together and have children, raise a family, live a full life, and then die together. He failed to remember how every time Magnus would introduce someone new to Alec how Alec would drive himself mad with anxiety trying to figure out if the two had been more than friends in years or centuries past. He failed to remember how the warlock would shut himself in whenever Alec asked anything that didn’t please the warlock about his past, he was a man of locks with no keys to be found for many of them. Alec remembered the mornings where he woke up in Magnus’s arms, how eternally warm the man was and how warm he made his heart, his entire being. He remembered loving Magnus more than he’d ever loved anyone before, even more than Jace, loving the warlock so much he’d even considered leaving the Clave and becoming immortal for him. He remembered Magnus’s cat eyes when he looked at Alec and the endless pictures, so many all of them deleted off his camera roll now, of his love. Magnus sleeping, his cat-like nature coming out when he was always found napping in the sun. Magnus laughing, his dazzling teeth, dimples, and freckles especially bright.  


Looking at the man now, all of those memories were a poignant reminder of what had happened between them. How Alec had messed up the most important relationship in his life.  


“Alec”  


Alec looked up to find Magnus right in front of him, looking deep into his eyes.  


“Magnus,” the shadowhunter’s voice broke and the tears that he’d been holding back since the call earlier escaped. The image of Magnus and his firefly yellow cat eyes blurred and Alec clasped his hands in fists to stop from throwing himself at the warlock.  


He felt arms enveloping him, warm, eccentrically-dressed arms surrounding his shaking form.  


“Shhh,” Magnus whispered into Alec’s ear, making the boy shiver from the proximity. “Please, don’t cry, I love you, I’m here. Shhhhh.”  


The two stood there, Alec’s body shaking, in an embrace as the sun slowly set. What felt like an eternity passed before Alec was finally able to stop crying and stood up straight, using his left hand to wipe the tears away. He faced Magnus, now feeling like everything was a dream. He reached his hand out and cupped Magnus’s cheek, the warlock leaned into his calloused, scarred hand and closed his eyes slightly.  


“I missed you,” Alec finally choked out, struggling to find his voice.  


Magnus grinned, returning to his usual cheery self. “It’s been a while, haven’t seen ya around.”  


“Why’d you call me…” Alec trailed off, asking the inevitable question.  


The warlock’s grin faltered, and a flash of pain crossed his eyes. “I, uh, missed you. Wanted to see you again.”  


Alec was awestruck, walking over to the edge of the stone to lean against the castle, looking out at the city. He felt Magnus’s presence walk up to reside next to him. The heat challenged Alec’s resolve and welcomed nostalgia. Flashes of sunny mornings next to him, nights in entwined on the couch, dates out and laughing, and walking around the city, unable to take their eyes off each other, darted behind Alec’s lids.  


Unable to resist everything within himself, Alec turned to Magnus and connected their lips. Everything fell into place, Alec’s world was whole again, for a moment. Nobody was near them at the Belvedere Castle, they were alone on their level, just nature and the two of them, embracing. They desperately clung to each other, mouths crushing with an urgency indicating they didn’t know the next time they’d be doing so. They didn’t know this was even a possibility after parting ways initially. The sun fell around them, encasing Central Park in darkness, a spot in the neon, urban life. They kissed, holding each other like they’d never touch again, locking lips as if they were getting oxygen from the other.  


“I’m so sorr-” Magnus covered Alec’s mouth with his hand.  


“Don’t.” His eyes were dark, but Magnus just shook his face and his resting cheerful expression returned. “Not tonight, tonight I just want to be with you. Spend time with you.”  


A small alarm went off in Alec’s brain at the look of pain that quickly passed through the warlock’s eyes but thinking it was just about the situation in general he waved it off and moved on. The two sat down on a bench about two feet away, sitting right next to each other, hands entangled. They stared into each other’s eyes and talked. They talked all night about what had happened since their split, about everything and absolutely nothing. Eventually Alec’s head ended up in Magnus’s lap, staring up at the beautiful warlock, watching his eyes light up while talking about the interesting underworld encounters he’d had at work recently. When the two came to their senses they looked around to see that, although the sky was still dark for the most part, the sunrise had begun.  


“Oh my god, we’ve been here for so long,” Alec yelped, trying to sit up only to be pushed back down by Magnus.  


“No,” Magnus looked down into the shadowhunter’s eyes, his own cat eyes on the verge of tears. “Please...stay for a while longer.”  


Complying, Alec relaxed in Magnus’s warm embrace, watching the sun rise higher. Just as it reached the halfway point, the most beautiful point in the sunrise, Alec felt Magnus’s hands on either side of his head, turning it. He was face to face with his love. But Magnus’s face was covered in tears, his eyes bloodshot and water trailing down his cheeks.  


“Why-” Alec whispered, grabbing onto Magnus’s wrist, before being silenced by Magnus’s glowing hands and eyes.  


“I love you.” Magnus declared, a bittersweet smile on his lips, hopelessness covering his silently sobbing eyes. “Dormies, amica mea, domino et noli oblivisci me.” [translation: sleep, my love, and forget me]  


Alec’s grip on the warlock’s wrist loosened and eventually deadened as the shadowhunter’s body went limp. A thin silver strand of smoke slipped between his lips. A memory. His memory of Magnus. Magnus held the sleeping Alec close to his chest and sobbed, trying to hold him tight enough to last a thousand more years.  


“Please, live your life now, be happy, let yourself love, love someone who can give you a family and who you can die in peace with.” He whispered into his love’s ear.  
__________  


Alec awoke in his room at the Institute. He jumped up, alarmed to be home. But he couldn’t remember why. He didn’t remember going out so why the intensely strange feeling of waking up at home. A dull pain resonated between his eyebrows. Deciding to get up despite the panic, Alec walked down to the kitchen where his sister Izzy was already sitting, drinking a cup of coffee. He walked to the corner and brewed himself a cup of coffee, black because that was what he needed in the moment.  


“Looks like you had a rough night,” Izzy laughed, making Alec’s head hurt even more.  


“I honestly don’t even know.” he answered, chugging from the mug.  


Leaving the kitchen to get away from his younger sister’s amused stares, Alec walked down the hallway deep in thought. He wasn’t paying attention and soon found himself walking right into Jace. His parabatai gave Alec a funny look but then shook his head, seemingly remembering something, and suddenly looked panicked.  


“Oh uhhh Alec, I didn’t realize you’d still be in this late. Uhh if you want me to, I can ask him to come back another time.” He rushed out, stepping aside to reveal a companion.  


Alec stared at a tall, tan-skinned man, his yellow feline eyes revealing his status as a warlock.  


“No, it’s alright. Why would I have an issue with you bringing a warlock into the Institute?”  


Jace’s face held a look of surprise but the warlock nudged him from behind, exchanging a pleading look with the blonde shadowhunter.  


“Uhh, okay. Sorry again.”  


As the pair walked away, Alec saw the warlock’s gaze linger on Alec, an unexplainably painful sadness in his eyes.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! If you've seen this before, it's from my book "Banewood" on Wattpad. I will hopefully be slowly transferring the chapters from there onto AO3 over a period of time to get more used to this platform a little more :). Hope you like it!


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